To friend or unfriend?

This friendship’s day was a revelation – an enriching one. Three of my most important and best friends didn’t call me and neither did I. We (speaking for them too, cause I’m me) didn’t feel the need to call, exchange wishes and be in an awkward position after 30 seconds on what to discuss. 

I’m not against celebrating the great day with your friends and having fun just because I spent half the day sleeping and the other half with my sitcom obsession. I will only urge you to ask yourself one simple question “How many real friends do you really have?”

The kind you can talk to about anything in the world? From the dress that makes you look fat to the job you want to quit. From the person you want to marry to the best eyeliner for you. From the latest episode of Pitchers to the essay you wrote for a job application

The kind who will have dance and have tequila shots with you, later helping you lie down after you’ve puked all over the floor.

One who will listen to all the crap you have say even when they’ve got more important things on their plate.

One who will give you sage sane advice when you’re crying about a big break up fight that you had.

One who can understand how you’re feeling when you’re lost and handle you with utmost care and calm.

One who will drop everything in the world when you need them, but will not tolerate any nonsense you try to pull.

No, these are not fictitious situations that will uplift your feelings for you to gladly reminisce your friends. These are real moments that I’ve lived and will cherish forever with not just one best friend, but a few real, true, good friends in my life. You might be thinking that I’m being very smug about having the perfect best friends who are always there for me, but that is not true. They are my people and I love them, but they aren’t perfect. We don’t speak for months. We don’t share every feeling in our hearts. We fight and argue. We don’t care for each other like family. The key to our friendship is that each one of us has a life, a different one. We don’t need each other. We don’t depend on each other. We don’t expect anything from each other. We are real and that is what has kept the friendship alive.

I have good friends too. The ones that push me to be better, the ones I can talk shit with, the ones who make time for me, the ones that I hang out with and the ones who don’t need me to constantly be in their lives. These are the people I’m around most of the time cause they have the same frequency of thinking as me. We simply connect. Nothing feels more comfortable and easy as their friendship. Trust me, this is good.

Then there are people who constantly keep hovering over my shoulders. They are wannabes who probably need something from me. Once that is done if they’re still around, it means they foresee benefit in me. My best move then is to be acquaintances with them if I too see profit, if not I pull the plug. How? Ignore and Avoid.

There is a different category of friends – the ones who admire me. This can be mutual. I can be attracted to their beauty, intellect, personality or art and vice versa. This is great networking. However, in a few cases the admiration is nothing but foreseeable advantage and advancement. In case of girls – he starts with casual flirting and sexual innuendos because he’d rather just screw me than make me his girlfriend. In case of guys – she wants a play toy and an ATM who is useful to make the ex jealous and a trophy among her girl gang. The best thing to do here? Be smart and use your instincts.

You’re now thinking that this is too much gyan coming from a 24 year old who might not even be popular and has less than 600 Facebook friends. To clarify that, I am very popular, for all the wrong reasons though. I am a rebel. I question everything and everyone. I accept all of it with great pride and smug smile. Also, I don’t make friends easily.

I read a quote among the streaming friendship day wishes on my timeline that read “A friendship that has lasted for 7 years is likely to stay forever”. My reaction – “Seriously?” Are we that naive? I’ve known love marriages that fell apart after 10 years and arrange marriages that have lasted for 50. If you even dare to give me the bullshit about how love and friendship are different, I will say “Go to hell!” For me both of them are feelings and the priority differs from one individual to another. I still remember the birthday of my best friend from 10 years back but never wish him anymore. We haven’t met in 7 years and spoken to in 5; doesn’t mean he isn’t my friend anymore. We’ve moved on. Our feelings of love and friendship have moved on to different friends now, to new life and new priorities.

I know that having one true awesome best friend would be great, but it isn’t a big deal if you don’t. If you look around you will find a horde of people claiming to be your friend. To friend or unfriend them is upto you. Only your real good friends who are in your life in this moment – they matter. So what if they didn’t wish you on friendship day, be their friend anyway with love in your heart and truth in your friendship. 

Signing off,

Nitsy